Hypnotherapy for Social Anxiety - My Top Tips for Feeling More Confident & Assertive
How To Overcome Your Fear of Social Situations This Christmas
If you are lucky enough to be meeting up with loved ones or you have a large work Zoom meeting to attend but the thought of being in a social situation is leaving you feeling anxious, then here are some tips on how to manage your fears.
Social anxiety can be crippling and can mean that you miss out on important events, promotions or opportunities as you are simply too afraid to put yourself out there with your head above the parapet.
You might label yourself as being shy, quiet or introverted when you are around other people however many people can use these qualities to listen intently and to say what they mean with intent and purpose.
Someone who is socially anxious might think of themselves as being self-conscious, awkward or meek, when in fact they are dealing with a fear of what other people think of them. They may be worried about what the consequence of actually saying what they really believe or have in the past been excluded or bullied in social situations.
Here are my tips for being more socially confident:
Be More Assertive
Assertiveness means being direct about what you need, want, feel or believe in a way that's respectful of the views of others.
It’s not about being aggressive or domineering, neither is it about being passive or a pushover.
Don’t forget that as women society has conditioned us to inhabit a role of nurturer, uniter and peace-maker.
Women have historically had fewer role models and teachers of these types of leadership and communication skills.
I see women not expressing themselves for fear of being seen as selfish or uncaring.
How You Can Be More Assertive
Use more ‘I think’ and ‘I feel’ sentences. It’s a very simple, clear way of expressing yourself.
When you need to communicate in a tricky situation, start with the objective facts of what is happening.
Then talk from the heart, from your perspective, about what you need, want, think and feel.
Show empathy and understanding of the other person’s point of view. Then find the middle ground.
In my practice, I will ask clients to role play assertiveness in the situations that cause the most anxiety so that they can safely practice these skills before using them in real life.
Strive to live an authentic life
Know that it is safe to be yourself. How would you think / feel / act if no one was watching?
Get to know your own opinions and thoughts about life.
Know that your opinion matters and you are worth listening to.
Speak about topics which get you fired up so that you can communicate with passion and energy.
Authenticity comes from knowing yourself well and living your life aligned with the values you most hold important.
There is much suffering to be had when we live a life according to what we think is acceptable socially and not to what we value.
Practice moving your attention from yourself outwards to other people
When you next want to say something in a meeting or presentation, try practicing moving your attention outwards onto the rest of the people in the room.
Notice what they are specifically wearing, their makeup or hair styles or jewellery.
This will help you to become less conscious of what you are saying or doing and more present and connected to the moment.
Learn Some Simple Relaxation Techniques
Keeping your nervous system regulated can help centre yourself for when you face social situations.
Try slowing down the breath - counting to four on the in-breath and out for 7 for the out-breath. This longer, controlled out-breath will help activate your inbuilt relaxation system and allow you to push your focus outward.
What Other People Think Of You Is None Of Your Business
This might sound blunt but it can be a useful reminder when you get too caught up in worrying about what other people think of you.
Most people are too caught up in their own experiences to be spending time thinking about what you say or do.
Act ‘AS IF’ You Are Confident
Take a moment now to think about someone you respect and admire, someone who appears to shine in front of others.
What would they be saying?
What would their body language be?
What posture would they be holding?
What might their facial expressions be?
Take these notes and act ‘as if’ you were really feeling confident and self assured. You now have a clock of confidence.
This cloak of confidence might feel a bit strange at first however after a while you will slip it on with ease!
You might even forget that you are wearing it and sit with your confidence, you are a radiant being.
Let Your Brilliance Shine
Being confident, self-assured and authentic doesn’t mean being loud, extroverted or rude.
It means accepting yourself as you really are AND allowing yourself the vulnerability to show who you really are without valuing what others think.
We all have an innate human need for connection and acceptance into social groups. It is an evolutionary development that has allowed us to thrive - we are safer together.
There comes a point when the fear of rejection becomes overwhelming and it stops you enjoying the rich nature and many benefits of social connection.
This type of anxiety, the one that is related to a fear of social situations such as with authority figures, people we do not know well or large groups of people can be damaging. We can avoid opportunities to shine and shy away from living an abundant life.
If you would like to feel more confident and assertive in your life, then contact me here for a chat about how hypnotherapy can help you today.
Rachel x